driving in the car from Northern Kentucky to Columbus through the early fog of the morning at each red light thinking about driving back home
looking back and forth from the window to the face of my boyfriend Zach wondering what he was thinking feeling about what was to come
this is the point where I realize that I only have a few hours left to be with him and to take all that comes with the military life yes people have worse yes people have struggles of their own but this was the struggle of my own
where he would be based no one knew no one knew if deployment was in the near future no one knew the extend of the sacrifices that absolutely have to be made by the family friends and soldier themselves as we drove I sat holding the hand of the man that I fell in love with and planned a life with awaiting the time I would have to say goodbye for several months not only one time but four at least four years of the enlisted time
driving from Northern Kentucky on the August 6th morning to Columbus Ohio ended abruptly time moved by so fast I barley got a chance to wake up lunch was at his favorite restaurant Olive Garden before we went to drop him off at the hotel to leave on a bus for Ft. Sill, Oklahoma
handling myself better than I thought I realized how strong you can be when being strong is the only choice that you have he on the other hand a guy who I have seen cry twice in the past two and a half years of our relationship had eyes filled with tears and I was able to comfort he made me a stronger person and the military made him a stronger person maturity grows day by day without an inch of laziness and weakness or mistakes the heroes of our world our those who sacrifice so much that it changes who they are they heroes are the ones who fight for the freedom of the country heroes are the ones who leave their family friends life and freedom for the freedom of us alone all soldiers give some and some give all
that walk from the hotel lobby back to the car was one of the hardest things I have ever done since then I have had to say goodbye several times but this first time I felt like I was leaving something every time I walk away from his military bases I wonder if the next time I see him will be after or before a deployment or the tragic thought of if I will ever see him again that thought never goes away completely no matter how much courage or faith I have
tears running down my face as my heart is beating out of my chest I feel that I am going to crumble but I don't I get in the car with my mom dad and sister and smile and say that I love him and in my head think to myself how lucky I am to be in love with a soldier
I learned to put a front up if I smile and ignore those thoughts I have I can temporarily be happy and not worried constantly if I smile I can seem happy and confident but behind the smile is hope stress worry and anxiety of my relationship and it might seem immature or small compared to those issues of others but to me in my world worry consumes my world
a year and a half later I am stronger than even but it never gets easier awaiting the day he will be deployed weighs down my heart strings and stress overwhelms me with fear that injury and or death may be the sacrifice he could pay that so many others have paid
This camera eye shows the emotions and effects that went along with my boyfriend joining the military. He signed the papers a year and a half ago and has two and a half years left, based in North Carolina. This has played a huge role in my life for the past couple years and I will forever be stronger, and thankful for him to be serving our country.
i really enjoyed this because not only was the physical elements of the situation very well described but also the emotional elements were very well described. I could see you standing and having to watch your boyfriend leave and i could feel the anguish in your heart. i really like how you explained that this was a huge deal in your world but also made everyone realize the sacrifices that people who know soldiers have to make. These people also have to fight every day to stay strong for their soldiers in deployment. you did a really great job expressing how you felt and how your feelings have changed throughout your experience, from the day that you first left him until now. I liked how it was constructed also because there were hardly any periods this symbolizes that just like the poem doesn't stop, your feelings of heartbreak and missing him haven't stopped either.
ReplyDeleteAlexandra,
ReplyDeleteYou've definitely figured out how to execute the modernist style of writing that writers like Dos Passos used, particularly with relation to avoided punctuation where we expect it. This is helpful because, unlike cleanly organized statements, this type of prose helps communicate the impression of confusion and emotional strain that you have shared here. Your last paragraphs are more reflective, providing the camera eye with an arc of transformative experience that is only recognized as transformative upon reflection. I think that this was an interesting decision in that it provides some scope---how this situation is ongoing but there have been some changes in how you cope with it over the years.